ramblings of a melodramatic angel

January 8, 2006

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

La di dah.. La di dah. I finally have a new year's resolution for myself... I RESOLVE TO UPDATE MY TABBY, MY LJ and MY BLOG all the fricking time. The least I can do is three per week.

So don't be surprised if starting this Monday, January 9, I'll be writing a lot...

I loved reading my old blog entries again and I feel bad that I haven't updated as often as I used to. A lot of things have already happened to me that I need to tell the world and to jot down so that I'll remember.

Sigh. I hope I keep my resolution this time.

Currently listening to: Stand in Your Way - Jennifer Love Hewitt
Currently reading: In the Hand of the Goddess by Tamora Pierce
Currently watching: One Tree Hill Season 3 Episode 9
Currently feeling: weird

Posted by sweetyuppie_05 on January 8, 2006 at 01:48 AM | wings torn

January 7, 2006

hehehe...

sweetyuppie_05

i miss tabby.

haven't posted here in ages.

i promise to cross-post again soon.

busy busy busy!

Currently listening to: Best of My Love
Currently reading: Song of the Lioness
Currently watching: Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch
Currently feeling: excited

Posted by sweetyuppie_05 on January 7, 2006 at 06:13 PM | wings torn

November 28, 2005

happiness = love :) part 2

sweetyuppie_05

i am so very happy.

once again, i've got another story to add to the previous entry.

he thinks i'm beautiful.

we talked on the phone a few minutes ago and he told me i'm beautiful.

also, i quote from his text: ur so beautiful when u smile.. i cn stil c u n my mind.. ur eyes lit up.. ur face was all bright.. so beautiful wen ur happy.. and im happy jst seeing u..

i'm so flattered.

i saw him again today.

we were at market market, exploring a new area.

lola shocked me in the car when she told me to invite him along to market market. she said she was going to blow out dinner for him if he came.

when i told him, i was hesitant because i was afraid he might be late for work.

but he was soooooo sweet. he said that he would drop by even if only for a few minutes just to see me. just to see me.

and i quote, from his text : nevr thought ud b that happy.. jst so u knw, d nly tym i wnt come to c u or talk to u is wen i really cant.. and wen i can.. il make evry effort to come to c u.. if nly 4 a whle...

isn't he sweet?

we were at teriyaki boy when he showed up. my eyes immediately fell on the bouquet of flowers he was holding in his hands. it was a BIG bouquet.

he came in and greeted us all. surprise: he gave mom and lola a single rose each. he also gave me a huge bouquet of beautiful flowers before sitting next to me.

after dinner, he had to go. i was still elated even then.

when he got home from work at around 12:30, he called the condo and we talked.

we talked about a lot of things: my mom, my lola, my relatives in bacolod, my dad, his gig, market market.

and then we moved on to the deep and emotion-filled part of our conversation: his feelings.

(here's the conversation!)

him: nothing's ever going to change between us.
me: i know so.
him: it's always been this good. it's always been this real. it's always going to be you and me anyway.
me: how are you so sure?
him: coz there's nobody else i wanna be with.

we talked about random things for a moment. then it got serious again.

him: to answer your question, it'll always be me and you because i've been waiting for you. all the things we have in common, all the things the same between us made me realize it was you. i've been waiting for you. that's how i know it'll be you and me. i've been waiting so long for you. i've always known what i wanted. i'm the kind of person who can only love one person at any given time... just one. i love you alexa.

i was in a shocked silence at this point.

him: you're the most amazing thing that's happened to me. and i love you with all my heart. i always have... and i always will. who i am is caring about you. who i am is loving you.

after a minute of silence, conversation resumed.

me: you win.
him: what, i didn't even do anything... i just told the truth.
me: sometimes (pause) the truth is enough.
him: i do love you. loving you is all i've ever known.

he had to go after that because he has work later on today. but as i put down the phone, i could feel the biggest smile spreading on my face.

i am stuck on cloud 9. and i think it's a good thing.

Currently listening to: whir of the electric fan
Currently reading: reader's digest

Posted by sweetyuppie_05 on November 28, 2005 at 01:30 AM | 1 stones thrown

November 27, 2005

happiness = love :)

sweetyuppie_05

i am so very happy.

why, you may ask?

he admitted how he felt about me to me, as in really felt, yesterday night.

wait, wait, wait. let me start the whole story at the beginning so you know exactly what happened.

yesterday night, when my parents came back to the condo, i was looking forward to going out and watching Reese Witherspoon's newest flick with them since that was all they'd been talking about. after being cooped up all day to recuperate from my sickness, i was looking forward to getting out of the house.

imagine my surprise when my mom asked me where his gig was going to be. i wondered why she asked but i asked him anyway. after he told me where it was, my mom suggested that we go and watch him perform. imagine my shock. imagine the way my jaw dropped to the ground when she said this. i didn't know how i was supposed to react. she wanted me to go over and see him perform all the way over in BF Homes in Paranaque.

i was a mixture of shock and happiness as i dressed up for going out. my mom was offering me tips on how to do my hair and what to wear while she, lola and dad were packing since my dad was going home. it was established that dad and i would go over to BF and see him perform. in addition to that, it was going to be a surprise because my mom told me not to tell him that i was coming. she and lola were going *shopping downtown* while we did this.

i was a bit nervous when we were in the car already. my mom kept teasing me and making up would-be scenarios that would happen. she kept trying to picture out what his reaction would be when he saw me. my lola gently tried to tell her to stop teasing me while my dad was telling me how exciting it would be. he also mentioned that his high school friends might be coming along.

after dropping mom and lola off, we headed to BF. i was watching the time, praying that we would be there during his break. i was nervous, i admit because i didn't know how he'd react or what he'd do.

we finally reached BF and then went looking for Bob's Crabshack. there were flipflops in my stomach and i was really feeling nervous. we drove around until we finally saw the place.

i couldn't get out of the car. i was nervous and i could feel my stomach tying up in knots. dad left the car first and went inside. i watched him go, feeling the knots in my stomach wound tighter.

all that disappeared when i saw him appear with my dad outside and walk towards the car. i felt a sense of relief rush through me at his elated expression and i hopped out of the car. i was happy to see the big smile on his face. i couldn't help it; the first thing i did was hug him. he had this half-shocked, half-happy expression on his face.

we walked back to the restaurant and his mom appeared. i was surprised to see her there but i was glad that she and dad finally had a chance to meet in person.

i was nervous about going inside. he took me by the hand though as we went in and i felt a little better.

the first thing that struck me was that the restaurant was such a cozy homey place. it was the kind of restaurant that you go out with your family to and where you have a comfy dinner. the atmosphere was relaxed and open and heartwarming. i loved it the instant i stepped inside.

he introduced me to a lot of people that night. he introduced me to the owners, to his cousins and to his high school barkada. i was shy about meeting them all but they were all nice to me, especially his high school barkada.

dad was talking to the owners and to his mom so he and i sat on a bench and talked about everything. we were enjoying ourselves and we also kept a watchful eye on my dad and his mom. i was so happy to see him that i couldn't help but be happier when he held my hand. it felt right at that particular moment.

after talking (he ate while we talked), he, his brother and his *sister* went off to perform already. i transferred to a table with dad and our driver. they sang a couple of songs and i totally loved their performance. they would be a huge hit in bacolod, i think. i ate sisig and calamares with dad and the driver and we just talked about their performance.

after the performance, he talked to his friends and some of their families. he finally joined us at the table, sitting next to me. i was happy to have him there and it felt right.

dad extended an invitation to him to come to bacolod and play and the two of them talked about that for a while.

his mom eventually joined us and they ended up talking about work. now, you may think this is boring stuff but i was having fun.

after a long while, we went to their house in BF since his mom had invited us. i was surprised that an opportunity to visit their house had come so soon. i was even more surprised when dad agreed to come. i was finally going to get to see where he'd grown up.

20 minutes later, we were at their house. i loved it the moment i saw it. it looked like the kind of house that welcomes families... anybody actually. ... and it reminded me of being under the sea. their living room was white and tastefully decorated. i saw their white baby grand piano for the first time after hearing about it from him around twenty million times. lovely sight.

we sat on the couch for a while and they talked for a while. i needed to go to the bathroom so he brought me to the bathroom upstairs. i loved their bathroom because it reminded me of the bathroom my parents used to have before, with the bathtub and all.

after that, the two of us headed for the piano and played a bit. i enjoyed being near him and i enjoyed watching his fingers glide over the piano keys. he plays piano beautifully and i love watching him do it.

he let me meet his tita in the kitchen. he wanted her to come out and meet me but she was shy, which i thought was adorable. she was so nice to me and i was comfortable in an instant.

we went back to playing the piano after that. he played me a few songs, dedicating each of them to me. he ended up playing the beginning of defying gravity and then switched to another song. he sang as long as you're mine to me while playing it on the piano.

our little *moment* was interrupted when his *sister* and cousins came down the stairs and asked him to move the car so that they could get out. he got the keys from his mom and then went off to move the car.

i played my favorite piece on the piano when he'd left, the minuet in g. it was an easy feat with the piano and my hands just flew over the keys.

he came in just as i finished and sat next to me. he ran a hand over the keys but he didn't press down on them. (this is the most important moment of my story!)

our conversation went as follows:

him: i have something to tell you.
me: okay, so, just tell me.
him: um (running some hands over the keys) do you remember before that i told you i had feelings for you?
me: yeah, i remember that.
him: well, i enjoy the time we spend together and i think my feelings for you have grown stronger.
me: what...?
him: i think i'm in love with you alexa. (looks me in the eye as he takes my hand)

at this point in the conversation, my heart dropped to somewhere around my knees.

me: really?
him: yeah. oh, and there's no pressure. i just wanted you to know that i love you.

i was still in shock at this point. but the good kind, the kind you actually wanna be feeling.

me: you know what?
him: what lex? (tracing circles on my hand)
me: i think that i'm starting to feel that way too.
him: we'll see where that takes us, won't we?

we sat in silence for a while. then i suggested that we go outside and sit on the bench. he obliged and we sat there for a few moments in silence. after a while, we started talking about other topics. he was still holding my hand.

suddenly, he pulled me up and said we should take a walk so we could see the stars clearly. we went out of their gate and looked up. the night sky was amazing last night, full of bright twinkling stars. he pointed out mars to me and orion's belt. we just stood there for moments gazing up at the endless infinity above us (everyone should know by now about my infatuation with stars!). we finally started talking, still outside the gate, looking up at the sky.

my dad came out minutes later with his mom and tita. we had to leave because my dad had to get to the airport by 4am. he introduced me to his other tita and she hugged me. i said goodbye to both his mom and tita.

the last things we said to each other were:

me: you're OLD!
him: you're SKINNY!
me: at least i can do something about it.. you can't!

we both stuck our tongues out at each other after that. this may seem awkward to all of you out there but it's just a part of our friendship. we only mean it as an endearing kind of taunt.

i had the biggest smile on my face when we left.

sure, we will have limitations.
sure, he doesn't know how i really feel yet.
sure, there is a long wait ahead of us.
sure, there will be lots of people who will say this can't last.
sure, there will be people trying to keep us apart.
sure, we will have our differences.

but one more thing is for sure:

i'm glad he told me he loved me.

after all, how long have i been praying for this to happen?
after all, how long have i been feeling this way about him?

Currently listening to: as long as you're mine
Currently reading: text messages
Currently watching: desperate housewives
Currently feeling: loved

Posted by sweetyuppie_05 on November 27, 2005 at 09:48 PM | wings torn

November 26, 2005

just me thinking

sweetyuppie_05

actually, thinking about it, i'm supposed to be dogged down. i've got to write a two page appreciation paper for literature about this poem, finish answering the math exercises and try to understand the new lesson, research about corals for ensci, study for a quiz in ensci, find new topics for english and buy a plant for lab. on top of that, i've got christmas shopping to do and a couple of unfulfilled promises to keep. so technically i oughta be busy and not typing away here.

but still, i happen to like blogging. it keeps me sane and it allows me to express myself. and i want to surf the 'net before i get busy with all my homework.

why does math have to be so fricking complicated? it was already fine but then our lesson just got a little more long and annoying.

once again, i'm stuck at home without you near and i miss you. it just isn't the same to be here at the table without you sitting next to me, whether sharing a dinner of nuggets and chicken cordon bleu with me or burning me cds on your laptop. i miss your smile, the way your eyes light up when you laugh, the way you hold my hand. i miss hearing your voice when you talk to me, changing emotions as the story progresses. i miss driving around in your car, going wherever the wind takes us. i miss eating mcdo takeout with you (fries and mcflurries) in the car as we savor the moment and the food. i miss watching movies with you next to me, being able to lean on your shoulder the whole time. i miss walking next to you, marveling at how we seem to be perfectly in sync with each step. i miss your arms wrapped around me tightly when i need a hug and wrapping my arms tightly around you to comfort you. i miss hearing you tell me things that i never thought i would hear. i miss your sarcastic comebacks and silly jokes. i miss watching the way your hands move on the piano keys or guitar strings. i miss the presents, the surprises you give me. i miss you. and i can't help it, the way i feel. that's how any person would feel about their soulmates, right?

the way i act nowadays is anything but ordinary. i mean, for goodness sake, the signs are pretty obvious:

(a) i'm hitting the books really doggedly
(b) i'm doing my homework 2, sometimes 3 days in advance
(c) i'm watching less of my favorite television shows with the roomies just to study
(d) i spend less time outside the dorm
(e) i make an effort to pay attention to lectures
(f) i'm not SM-ing for Sweet Charity
(g) i feel a determination to shine in academics

this is just way weird to me.

my philosphy as of late is to smile, despite having to take the bad with the good. i just need to keep a positive outlook on life so that i won't get all dogged down and depressed. i need to keep hoping and dreaming, smiling and dealing with things one day at a time.

having you in my life helps me smile and makes me more optimistic about the future.

smile you guys. a smile can take all the hurt away.

Currently listening to: my best friend's voice
Currently reading: my blogger blog
Currently watching: desperate housewives
Currently feeling: rejuvenated

Posted by sweetyuppie_05 on November 26, 2005 at 06:27 PM | wings torn

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MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

hehehe...

happiness = love :) part 2

happiness = love :)

just me thinking